Tuesday, May 16, 2006 Syaoran, a boy who wants to become an archeologist, and Sakura, a princess from the Clow Kingdom, are childhood friends with a close relationship. On a fateful night, Sakura lost all her memories as a result of a conspiracy to obtain her powers. In order to regain her memory, Syaoran seeks help from the witch, Yuuko. Yuuko tells Syaoran that he has to travel from one alternate reality to another to collect fragments of Sakura's memory. However, even if Sakura regains her memory, she will have no recollection of Syaoran. Travelling together with them is Kurogane, a warrior who was exiled from his country, and Fye, a magician who wants to escape from his King. With the help of a magical creature, Mokona, they set off on an exciting journey through time and space.
posted @ 8:56 PM
Thursday, March 23, 2006
posted @ 7:59 PM
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. Aswell as various internet sources
100 Rules of Anime
The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. * Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything. First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first. Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass. First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss. First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage. Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds, the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape. Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers. *Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he will hit.
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.)
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work just as well...
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song. First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying.
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy". First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect) Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors. *Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome "Good Guys".
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: 1) be female. 2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation. 3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them. First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow. Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage. *Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are: 1) The Hero/Leader 2) His Girlfriend 3) His Best Friend/Rival 4) A Hulking Brute 5) A Dwarf/Kid Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include: 1) Extreme Coolness 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible Irritation
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace". First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa. First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
*#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.
*#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect"). First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.
*#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff< So True!!)
*#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.
*#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")
*52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are: 1) They forgot that the person is telepathic. 2) They just don’t give a damn. The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are: 1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else. 2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic. 3) They just don’t give a damn.
+#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
+#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits. First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying pan or something.
+#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.
+#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late. First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use it against the "Good Guy". Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military device without one of the following events occurring: a) The control device being broken. The control device being taken by the "Good Guy". c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just "fooled" by the "Good Guy". d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.
+#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.
+#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes: a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look. A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.
+#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)
+#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t get a date despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)
+#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.
+#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.
+#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.
+#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. *(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)
+#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49)
+#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation- First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping". Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.
+#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.
+#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis. First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and lethality of the maneuver. Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.
+#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.
+#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.
+#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. *(see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)
+#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.
+#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.
+#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either: a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws [e.g., slowdown and exposition]), Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a position to ravish beautiful girls, or c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.
+#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
+#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?
+#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 48) +#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.
*#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...
*#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.
*#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.
*#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.
*#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible. First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toastied.
*#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!
*#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)
*#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in: a) The hero escaping. Clean-up for the underlings. c) The villain getting toastied.
*#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.
*#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.
*#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...
*#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following characteristics: 1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples. 2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.
*#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.
*#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.
*#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death! First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following him around is there because: 1) It’s his girlfriend’s. 2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so. 3) Chicks will dig him more. Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because: 1) It’s her boyfriend’s. 2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so. 3) It makes her look cool.
*#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.
*#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...") First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is, but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle... Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect). Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.
*#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur. First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko Thing")
*#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)
*#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have the following crew members: 1) The captain 2) His Lieutenant 3) Various female technical staff 4) A hotshot pilot 5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not) 6) The Doctor 7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not) Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include: 1) Extreme coolness/luck 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible irritation 4) Extreme cuteness 5) Irresponsible drunkenness 6) Homophobicness 7) Emotionless (Idiots.)
*#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...
*#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.
Created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. Aswell as various internet sources
posted @ 5:46 PM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
posted @ 8:43 PM
The Sol Bianca is a pirate ship and it does have an all-female crew, what is left out of that summary is that the fascinating crew are some of the most developed female characters in anime. Their motivations and reactions are much more in-line with how one would expect real women to act and react; hence, they don’t make boob jokes and prance around trying to win the affection of certain men. On the other hand, they don’t ignore men and act like they are useless. Like most women, their relationships are very complex, holding both anger and love for one another simultaneously.
The crew is led by April (the whole crew is named after months of the year) and the series begins as they try to retrieve a personal artifact of hers that had been stolen. This particular item is one of the few items left from earth. The human race’s home planet has been set aside as a pristine preserve; everyone views the planet with reverence, and the current government keeps the location secret. However, the item, an ancient flintlock pistol, somehow holds a clue to the truth about earth, and, in that, the secret behind the Sol Bianca.
The Sol Bianca is a sentient and powerful ship, probably the most powerful ship in the galaxy. I’m not sure how difficult it is to be a pirate when you have the biggest guns, but the crew has no lack of personal and psychological angst. Jun is the somewhat introverted “goth” girl, basically because she’s been experimented on and enhanced - something anyone would have trouble with. Jani feels betrayed by her own body: she’s the warrior of the group with the body to match, and her melancholy over her perceived loss of femininity is palpable. And, so it is with all the characters. But, like all of us, they go on with their lives.
The first several episodes serve basically as character studies into each of the crew, and they are fascinating and riveting. The pacing at times may be slower than some anime fans may like, but, as a storytelling device, it’s masterful. The action, when it occurs, doesn’t disappoint. When the show calls for violence, the creators aren’t afraid to show it; the same can be said for sexuality, as well as all emotions. The final episodes pull together into a nice story arc about the Earth and the history of the Sol Bianca.
posted @ 8:20 PM
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
I had no idea that a comic on the pre-Miaka story existed! I actually found the story line on a free web encyclopedia. Volume One The series begins with basic introductions; including a short history of The Four Gods of Heaven and Earth. Then the story moves on to cover Takiko, the heroine, as she tries to go to school, take the responsibilites of her household and nurse her dying mother. We also learn about why Takiko hates her father and how it all comes into play when her mother eventually dies. Takiko is angry and alone, since she had also just been rejected by the man she loves, and is furious at her father. So as she attempts to destroy the book her father had just completed, Takiko is sucked into it's pages and so begins the adventures of Genbu no Miko. Takiko, who is severely underdressed for the winter atmosphere, wanders the mountains of the new world as she tries to figure out where she is, and runs into a woman tied up and left for the demons. Takiko attemps to Phend the demons off, but the woman has to eventually help her; in exchange for the woman's help Takiko takes the woman to an inn and attemps to nurse her back to health.
However, we soon discover that the 'woman' is actually a man with the ability to change into a woman because of his seishi symbol, Uruki. The man's name is Rimudo, and is a wanted murderer slash an exhiled prince who is being tracked down by his own father. Before much progress can be made, a bounty hunter arrives and chases after Rimudo - and as he incorrectly assumed that Takiko was Rimudo's woman, he also tries to harm the miko. However, Rimudo uses the last of his powers, as he is still ill, to protect her and the two are cornered and ready to meet their maker as the army arrives and prepares to blast them into oblivion. Takiko would have none of that and blinds everyone with a powerful silver light, during which disturbances Rimudo escapes with Souren, his adopted brother who also acts as his bodyguard, and leaves Takiko alone. The bounty hunter, Chamuka, aka Tomite, makes Takiko his prisoner in order to lure Rimudo out.
Meanwhile, Rimudo's mind strays far from the strange girl he met in the mountains and saving her from the peverted bounty hunter as he and Souren try to sneak into enemies, Kutou, territory as they continue to run from Rimudo's father. Somehow, when Rimudo was showing off as he fought some bandits they just happened to run into; some higher ups in the Kutou armies saw the scene and allowed Rimudo, who has now dubbed himself as 'Taki', to join their groupies. Back to Takiko. The trap doesn't work, since both the bait and the prey didn't part on very good terms, but Tomite's mother, Boraate, arrives on the scene and discovers that Takiko is Genbu no Miko. Thrilled because the Miko had arrived, Boraate takes Takiko back to their village and allows her to stay with them. But, the happy times don't last for long because soon thereafter the Kutou armies attack the village in search for Takiko and kill the whole lot of them, or close to it. During the raid Boraate is shot by an arrow when she shields Takiko. Tomite gets mad and blames Rimudo who was just innocently riding his horse past the scene and the two start to brawl using their seishi powers of ice and wind. Of course, it is here when they realise that the other is a seishi. Souren distracts Tomite by attacking him with some kind of bomb and Uruki runs off. Tomite, however, decides to go back to his mother instead of chasing after the two. Boraate is only mildly injured compared to some of the others who survived the attack and Takiko begins to feel extremely guilty about the entire situation. As she begins to really think about taking the position of Genbu no Miko when Rimudo arrives and tries to discourage her; Takiko doesn't relent and declares that she is now and forevermore, Genbu no Miko.
The scene is shifted to some hideous old woman, who is floating in the air rambling on to herself about how she won't let Takiko gather the seven stars of Genbu. Takiko and Tomite, who is unsucessfuly trying to flirt with Takiko, are back in play as they are now leaving the village to start their journey to find the other seishi. Volume Two Tomite and Takiko are traveling happily along the wilderness when they suddenly come to a village. No more sleeping outdoors! Says Takiko. Food! Tomite replies. As they walk through the town however, they discover only drama! Apparently, somehow a house is on fire and the unprepared villagers just watch it burn claiming that the fire is too out of control to put it out.
They are even prepared to let the little girl, who is stuck inside the burning house, die. The mother screams in horror and cries as they hold her back. However, Tomite is feeling heroic and freezes the entire structure with his powers, saving the girl. The townspeople are angered by this, since it was discovered that Tomite is a seishi, and try to chase Takiko and Tomite out of the town. But in return for saving her - the little girl, Darte, and her mother, Maijin, sneak Takiko and Tomite into their own home. There, many things happen such as Tomite hitting on Takiko and getting smacked, Takiko finally getting a weapon and the father of the girl trying to chase them out.
At this time, Rimudo is living it up with the Kutou army and his new friends, who are also skilled assassins, Shigi and Hein. Since they are all highly skilled they have been given a special mission to kill the Genbu no Miko and the seishi. Rimudo is placed in a tough spot but rides along anyway. As they track down the priestess, they see a man hunting in the forest. But what do you know, it's Darte's father! They pay him much in gold and he gives up the location of the group. Rimudo, being eager to show off, leaves his assistants behind and runs off to warn Takiko and Tomite. Chaos erupt. Rimudo kidnapps Takiko to save her, Tomite is attacked by Hien, Takiko runs away from Rimudo after getting to safety to help Tomite and Shigi attacks the family that had sheltered the Genbu no Miko. Takiko arrives back on scene, though, and fights Shigi one on one, and isn't doing too bad either until Tomite freaks out and distracts her. They are both caught off guard as Shigi and Hien go for the final attack, when 'woosh!' wind blows by and stops them in their tracks. It is Uruki, in disguise so as to not been recognized by his little friends, and she has saved the day!
However, Hien is just a tad bit upset because Uruki has amputated his arm in his attempt to play hero and moves to attack the wind seishi just as Uruki was hit by an assassins' arrow. Uruki is wounded and is on the ground in pain, so Takiko breaks out in a burst of power and blinding silver light to save him from Hien. The groupies run away at this time and Uruki, while not being grateful at all, flies off to get treated by Soruen and returns to his buddies back in Kutou. Tomite and Takiko leave the village in search for Hatsui and arrive at a run down temple in the middle of the woods. There they discover a woman named Phen who puts them up for the night.
However, Phen is plotting to kill them because it is also her mission to destroy the Genbu no Miko and seishi. To do this, she tries to turn Hatsui, who is hiding in a metal basket, against them so he will kill his comrades with his needles. Meanwhile, Tomite is dead drunk and Takiko is talking to Rimudo, who has gone solo because Hein has lost his arm. They share a moment before Phen arrives and tricks Takiko (and Rimudo who goes after her) into falling into a cave like room where Hatsui is. The seishi then tries to kill his comrades but wavers when Takiko talks to him some. In the meantime, Phen tries to chop off Tomite's head but the ice seishi regains his senses, shoots her with his arrows and chases her to where Hatsui is. Phen arrives in the cave and continues to encourage Hatsui to destroy Takiko and Rimudo.
Takiko stops this and in the end gets Hatsui to join their group. Phen pounts before making her escape, only to be killed by Haagasu, the assassin who shot Uruki. Uruki and Haagasu have it out but it's over when Haagasu reveals his ability to replicate the powers of his opponents. Souren arrives after Uruki falls and they all escape to safety. While there is downtime, Uruki and Tomite are treated while hiding near a lake. Takiko gets upset however, because Hatsui doesn't want to go on the journey with them and runs off on her own. Souren follows her and tells her about Rimudo's past and his destiny as the crown prince - and why his father wants him dead. Rimudo appears on scene and is angry because Takiko and the other seishi now know about him, and goes off to sulk. Takiko follows him and the two end up riding a boat on the lake.
While on the boat though, they are attacked by Kutou's armies once again but are saved by Hatsui, who has determined that he will stay with the group. Takiko, in concern for the others, falls out of the boat and almost drowns; when Rimudo jumps in after her and rescues her. Rimudo and Souren then go off on their own because they don't want to put the other seishi or Takiko in any more danger by being near them.
posted @ 11:47 PM